By: Ang Biondo

In the previous article we described what a ‘Social Network’ is, and how infectious it can be within our lives. This article looks at the potential ramifications of Social networking, but also texting and modern modes of communication in general — by our children — and the possible adverse effects on their lives. To start at the beginning, we should first look at the communication equipment such as cell phones and “blackberry-like” devices we all use, and have become addicted to and use ardently in our day to day lives. Originally they were intended as industrial aids. It was not long however, before industry realized what a wonderful convenience (and money maker) they would be in our private lives as well. They have vastly changed the communication world as we knew it. Within the last ten years we’ve seen the cost of long distance calling all but collapse. We can now talk nationwide and around the world for pennies, and cell phones are so affordable we even supply our young children with them. While those points stand to benefit us, it has become so convenient and affordable, that they have become second nature to us and we assume our children are usinge them in a responsible manner.
Our culture promotes a “status quo” mentality, but the question we have to ask ourselves is this: ‘Am I really helping my child by giving him/her this device, or, aiding and abetting?’ How many of us have seen a young child fly through the keyboard of a handheld device bantering with a barrage of time-consuming one word meaningless texts, but also, how many teenagers have suffered the consequence of misuse as well? To answer the question honestly, it brings up several other questions, which should be answered first. While some of the answers are relative to age– some are not! — While you are financially, morally, and legally responsible for your children, you need to ask yourself – Why am I buying the device? Is it peer pressure, or a genuine need for each of us to have the ability to contact the other in the event of an emergency?

• Will I provide texting and/or internet access for the device as well? 
• If so… Is my child responsible enough to understand minute and usage limits if they apply, but especially understand the importance of safe use? 
• Will they use it as a toy for gaming, texting pranks, or meaningless talk and messaging burning up expensive minutes? 
• Do they understand the meaning of their content within a message to their friends, and the possibility that it may adversely come back to them? 
• Are they old enough to understand the seriousness and privacy issues attached to a ‘Twitter’, ‘MySpace’, or ‘FaceBook’, etc….
  On an open ‘social media network’ that could possibly expose them to the unwanted attention of predators/perverts who can track their every movement? Consider: 
• How will the use of it impact their priorities and other responsibilities? 
• Could it serve to enhance their social network, or possibly “status” because “everyone else has one,” only to become a significant distraction? 
• How will I prevent the use of it from becoming a distraction to their Studies, homework, and grades as well as responsibilities inside and outside the home?
  As parents we are responsible for their engagement in the “real world” and family, and not overrun by the virtual.

Verbal and social skills:

• What commitment will I make beforehand to establish the “rules of “engagement” and time management for use? Are the consequences of misuse and/or mismanagement, something we can live with as a family?
• Before purchasing “that device” and the privilege that comes with it, we cannot ignore basic human development. From about the age of eight, “friends” become a huge priority in a child’s life. It is a time when they begin to reach outside of the family unit for validation. However, it is also both scary and sobering to say that in recent years, the science also shows that the emotional I.Q. of a young adult does not fully develop until they are in their early twenties. They exercise impulsive if not poor judgment much of the time until their brain has physiologically reached “the age of reason” and control and logic begin to override.

We have recently heard the legislative discussions regarding the prosecution of two teenage boys — that may be tried as adults — guilty of the newest term “sexting” via their cell phones. If you have not had the discussion with your child about responsibility and consequences, do it today! Not only are kids not concerned or educated necessarily about the ramifications of their “silliness” or “teenage” behavior, but more importantly, they do not necessarily have the emotional maturity and restraint to even think about the consequences of sending inappropriate material via their phone or “Social Network” before they actually hit “send.” Their responsible behavior behind the “send button,” can so often be overridden by the need to fit in and appear “cool.” But what seemed like a “good idea” at the time can have VERY serious emotional, if not legal, consequences afterwards.

In the last article, we touched on the topic of exposure. What kids do not necessarily understand — unless you have had the conversation with them — is that EVERYTHING is retraceable AND traceable! Whether it is bullying or inappropriate content, all of it can be retrieved to use against them, whether they think they are hiding behind deleted text, or brazen enough not to care. However, the other side of the discussion at hand is the vulnerability in the immaturity of a young adult’s brain. Even those brazen enough to think they are outsmarting the system by using a friends phone to send a malicious or prank message, are most often implemented by the friend who loaned the phone in the first place. Incidents of this nature often result in unfavorable results for all concerned.

A young girl, for instance – a freshman in high-school, or even college– who is communicating with a friend through a public open channel ‘Social Media Network’, is unaware that a predator is reading every line she is entering. Need I say more? Is it any wonder why there are so many incidents of missing children in the world today? How many of our children use these devices as their “diaries” and social postings for their calendars, without realizing they are public domain, and often a playground to the deviant? Even a simple notation of time and place leaves them vulnerable to someone looking for a time to strike. And, it is not limited to girls, but is as valid for boys as well.

Beyond their cell phone or handheld device, all information typed into a ‘social media network’ or ‘texted’, is vulnerable and in most cases available to anyone on the network be it friend or foe. Even if you have the security on your end setup to limit viewing your profile information and conversations to those on your contact list, THE INFORMATION THEY RECEIVE FROM YOU IS STILL PUBLIC IF THEY DO NOT HAVE THE SECURITY IN PLACE ON THEIR END!!! This happens time and time again! You begin to see how sooner or later, the information your child intended to be private, ends up in the public network for the world to see. Let’s also consider a text sent to a “friend,” most especially gossip or nasty words that can easily be forwarded to someone else on an impulse leaving your child completely exposed to the consequences.

Are we really willing to jeopardize the safety of our children, and their emotional, and possibly physical well being for the sake of convenience? I send out this PLEA to all parents, and ask you to count all costs, beyond the monetary. If you insist on providing your child with a communication device: 

• Wait until they are old enough to fully understand and comprehend the responsibility and consequences to have the use of such a powerful device. Both you and your child must be fully comprehensive of the hazards as well as the social aspects of access to these venues of communication.

It is wise to exercise caution and parental authority throughout the period of adolescents that your child is in your charge. Remember, ‘The Social Media Network’ is are public forums, open to all. If you can see what your child is texting, so can everyone else worldwide. Are you smooping, or infringing on your child’s privacy? Since it is a public network, most certainly NOT! Ang if you are accused of doing so, remind your offspring that it is a PUBLIC network for all to see. As responsible parents we are responsible for monitoring our childresn’s communications often. Never assume the system is not being abused. There is a lot in the old adage “Kids will be Kids!”. Since you are the one paying the bill, you have the control to ensure it is not being abused or that your child is not sending messages which can place them in a precarious position, or possibly you in a position of financial obligation.

Make absolutely sure your child knows the importance of PASSWORD SECURITY. It doesn’t matter which device your child is using, be it a computer, iPod®, Cell phone, etc., they all need a password to access the ‘social media network’ account. It seems we all realize the importance of a password when using our computers, but it seems to stop there. We seem to get careless outside of the computer environment. I’ve heard kids in the mall freely giving their ‘social media network’ password to their friends in ear shot of dozens of people. Who is to say a jealous friend in the group will not use this password and device to send a nasty-gram to a mutual “friend” in an attempt to gain favor for themselves. We are especially lax with cell phones… Such an incident recently happened within my own family. It just so happened that this “friend” was also sneaking use of other peoples phones when they were not aware, sending nasty messages while pretending to be the owner. Make sure your child knows where their cell phone is at all times, and that it is in a secure location with a password as well! If the phone considered does not have a password feature, then it may be worth the upgrade.

Make it a rule that your child treats their hand held communication device like a bank account. Make it known to them that as long as you are paying the bill, the device is to be treated as your property and is not to be loaned to anyone – not even for a moment. Especially with cell phones… With the cost of pre-paid phones and cell phone contracts these days you can rest assured that if your child’s friends parents want them to have access to a cell phone, they likely would have their own. So if your child is loaning their friend a phone (barring an emergency situation of course) they need to realize they are assuming the responsibility and risk on behalf of your family!

Obviously, your responsible adult supervision and “communication” at home lays the foundation for responsible “communication” behind the send button of your child. However, your responsible adult supervision and communication at home may be the only thing that stands between your child and harm’s way. Please monitor your child’s use of these devices. Respect for others and responsibly start with a conversation at home — person-to-person and eye to eye!

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